Beauty and the Brick

Once upon a time, a charming young woman was walking through the city park at night. It was a big park, very dark, and she was exactly the sort of person who invariably meets a vampire in this sort of story. All of a sudden and totally unexpectedly, a vampire jumped out from some trees.
"Bleargh!" said the vampire (in a vampire accent). "I am a vampire! I want to suck your blood!"
She wasn't quite sure how to respond to that, and secretly hoped that something would put a convenient end to the conversation so it wouldn't become awkward.

Conveniently, at that moment, a vampire hunter jumped out from some other trees and drove a stake through the heart of the vampire. "Fear not, fair maiden!" he shouted. "For I am a vampire hunter, sworn to put an end to the undead menace once and for all!"
"I can see that," she said. "It says so on your T shirt."
"Ah, yes!" He beamed. "I forgot I was wearing that today. Say, I don't suppose you've seen any other vampires around..."

But at that moment, someone else sprang from a third lot of trees and ran him through with a cutlass. It was quite messy, and the charming young woman was surprised to see such a display of totally unnecessary violence. Her face must have shown it, because the newcomer apologised.
"I'm sorry you had to see that. I'm a vampire hunter hunter," he explained. "That is to say, I hunt vampire hunters. I don't like vampires any more than the next living person, but I don't think it's right to slaughter them just because they're unholy abominations of evil. It's a shame I couldn't get here in time to save this..."

He couldn't finish, however, because just then yet another person appeared from yet another bunch of trees and exploded him with magic.
"Hello," he said, sheepishly. "Bear with me, because this gets kind of complicated, but I'm a vampire hunter hunter hunter. I hunt those who hunt vampire hunters, and..." at that moment, he spotted the corpse of the man who had staked the vampire. "Oh, hey!" he exclaimed. "Maybe I should get that on a shirt. It would make things easier to explain."
"Not wishing to question your career choice," said the woman, "but why did you become a vampire hunter, hunter..." she began to lose count.
"Vampire hunter hunter hunter," he reminded her. "Well, you see. I'm not actually interested in vampires at all. My intention is to protect the endangered micro-pixies found only in this particular park. Their invisible villages are magically protected from being trampled once or twice, but when three people—for example: a vampire, a vampire hunter and a vampire hunter hunter—cross the same patch of ground one after another, it's simply too much for their small magic to bear. Actually, I've got some leaflets on the subject..."

He rummaged in his coat pocket, but never managed to get a leaflet out because one more man appeared from one more stand of trees and inflicted upon him a lethal papercut.
"Salutations. I'm a vampire hunter hunter hunter hunter. I overheard something about micro-pixies: that'll save some time. You see, I hunt vampire hunter hunter hunters in order to protect the far more endangered micro-micro-pixies, which are resistant to trampling by up to four sets of feet. I also have leaflets...oh. But this one's a bit stained. Hang on."

He reached into his satchel, but never managed to retrieve a leaflet because someone else appeared from some other trees and knocked him out with a brick.
"Let me guess," said the charming young woman. "You're a vampire hunter hunter hunter hunter hunter?"
"What?" said the newcomer. "No. My name's Stan. I make bricks for a living, but when I saw what was going on I knew I had to help you."
"Actually," she said, "except for the vampire I'm not sure I was ever really in any danger."
"Oh," said Stan, "you probably weren't, but there are like sixty more of those guys in this park. If you had to listen to all of them, you'd be here for hours."
"I like you," she said. "You're the least crazy person I've met all day. Let's get married and live happily ever after so as to provide this story with the obligatory fairytale ending."

And so they got married and lived happily ever after.
The end.