ShopDreamUp AI ArtDreamUp
Deviation Actions
Literature Text
“Do you think this is funny?” Big Harry leaned forward in his chair, pressing a sausage-like finger against the table. “Is this some kind of a joke to you?”
“No, no!” Gus tried to lift his hands in a “No way!” gesture, but it was kind of hard with them duct-taped to the chair. “It’s not like that!”
“Then what can I do but take it as an insult?” Leaning back again, he gestured to Elbows McCain to join them at the table.
McCain slipped a hand into his suit pocket. When it came out again, it was wearing brass knuckles.
“Okay!” Gus said, hastily, still not sure what he’d done. “Maybe...maybe I did think it’d be funny.”
“Ah. Well, I like to think I got a sense of humour, and I’m sure Elbows here don’t want to waste his time with no funny guys.”
McCain nodded, slinking back into the shadows. Gus breathed a sigh of relief.
“Funny guys is more Vince’s for-tay. Vince!” He turned around in his chair and shouted to the man at the back of the room. “I hope you’s got your steel toe caps on today!”
Vince began to clomp towards them, his lumpy face obscured by a cloud of cigar smoke.
“Aaaaah!” Gus frantically hopped his whole chair back a few inches. “Wait, wait, wait! It wasn’t, like, a joke...as such. I just thought...maybe you...that I...you...”
“Are you screwing with me?” He whipped a knife out of his pocket, the blade shooting from the handle with a crisp “snak!” He pointed it at Gus across the table. “Because when people start screwing with me, I deal with them personal, like.”
“Aaaaaaaah...” Gus could feel his forehead prickling with sweat. “Aaah...ummm...” he couldn’t think straight. He just said the first thing that popped into his head. “I’m sorry. What were we talking about again?”
“We was talking...” Big Harry heaved a suitcase up onto the table, letting it fall with a crash, “about this!”
Gus didn’t like to say anything just then. Big Harry was angry. Real angry. Vein throbbing in forehead angry.
“One of my associates passed you a note. A handwritten note. Handwritten by me. This note instructed you to fill the suitcase provided—by me—with four kilos of cocaine and leave it behind the nightclub bins at 2am. These instructions—written by me—were very simple, and very specific. And what do you do? You give me this!” He opened the suitcase. “Two bottles of nasty-looking brown water!”
Again, Gus didn’t like to respond. His only hope now was that Big Harry’s epic forehead vein would develop into some kind of lethal aneurism.
“Does that look like cocaine to you!?”
Finally, an answer formed itself in Gus’s mind. “You uh...you asked for Coke.”
“Of course I asked for coke!” Spittle flecked the bottles. “When Big Harry asks for coke, he gets coke! Do I make myself clear?”
“No,” Gus insisted. “You asked for ‘Coke.’ With a capital ‘C.’ I’ve still got the note.”
Vince stepped over.
“It’s, uhhh, that pocket.” Gus nodded to his left, trying not to breathe as cigar-breath Vince stooped to retrieve the note.
“He’s right, Boss.” Vince smoothed the paper out on the table. “‘Coke’ with a capital ‘C.’ That’s a registered trademark of the Coca-Cola Company.”
Big Harry calmed down, but only a little. “Yeah? Well since when does Coke come in kilograms? Huh? Answer me that.”
“Well...one litre weighs a kilogram, right?” answered Gus. “I gave you two two-litre bottles. That’s four kilograms.”
“That’s true, Boss.” Elbows McCain put in. “I mean, technically it’s only true of distilled water at room temperature, but for our purposes it’s close enough.”
Everyone stared at him.
“What?” He stared back. “I knows my science.”
“Alright.” Big Harry pushed the suitcase to one side, appraising its contents. “Let me get this straight. I, a crime lord, passed you a note asking for Coke, and you just immediately assumed I was talking about a soft drink?”
“Yes.”
“Even though I asked for it in kilograms?”
“Yes.”
“And not once did you think I might have actually wanted cocaine?”
“I...uhhh...” Gus felt like he had about four kilograms of sweat clinging to his forehead.
Big Harry laughed. “That’s hilarious!” Reaching out with his switchblade, he cut the duct tape holding Gus to the chair and peeled it away, leaving quite a bit of arm hair still clinging to it. “Didn’t I tell you I had a sense of humour?”
Gus stood, nervously. “I...uhh...it is pretty funny.”
Big Harry spread his big arms wide. “I guess I just been in the business so long, I forgot it meant anything else!” He unscrewed a bottle and lifted it. “To your continuing good health.”
“Righto.” On shaky legs, Gus made his way to the door. He was just reaching for the handle when Big Harry spoke again.
“Wait a minute...”
Gus turned, and their eyes met.
“...this is Pepsi.”
“No, no!” Gus tried to lift his hands in a “No way!” gesture, but it was kind of hard with them duct-taped to the chair. “It’s not like that!”
“Then what can I do but take it as an insult?” Leaning back again, he gestured to Elbows McCain to join them at the table.
McCain slipped a hand into his suit pocket. When it came out again, it was wearing brass knuckles.
“Okay!” Gus said, hastily, still not sure what he’d done. “Maybe...maybe I did think it’d be funny.”
“Ah. Well, I like to think I got a sense of humour, and I’m sure Elbows here don’t want to waste his time with no funny guys.”
McCain nodded, slinking back into the shadows. Gus breathed a sigh of relief.
“Funny guys is more Vince’s for-tay. Vince!” He turned around in his chair and shouted to the man at the back of the room. “I hope you’s got your steel toe caps on today!”
Vince began to clomp towards them, his lumpy face obscured by a cloud of cigar smoke.
“Aaaaah!” Gus frantically hopped his whole chair back a few inches. “Wait, wait, wait! It wasn’t, like, a joke...as such. I just thought...maybe you...that I...you...”
“Are you screwing with me?” He whipped a knife out of his pocket, the blade shooting from the handle with a crisp “snak!” He pointed it at Gus across the table. “Because when people start screwing with me, I deal with them personal, like.”
“Aaaaaaaah...” Gus could feel his forehead prickling with sweat. “Aaah...ummm...” he couldn’t think straight. He just said the first thing that popped into his head. “I’m sorry. What were we talking about again?”
“We was talking...” Big Harry heaved a suitcase up onto the table, letting it fall with a crash, “about this!”
Gus didn’t like to say anything just then. Big Harry was angry. Real angry. Vein throbbing in forehead angry.
“One of my associates passed you a note. A handwritten note. Handwritten by me. This note instructed you to fill the suitcase provided—by me—with four kilos of cocaine and leave it behind the nightclub bins at 2am. These instructions—written by me—were very simple, and very specific. And what do you do? You give me this!” He opened the suitcase. “Two bottles of nasty-looking brown water!”
Again, Gus didn’t like to respond. His only hope now was that Big Harry’s epic forehead vein would develop into some kind of lethal aneurism.
“Does that look like cocaine to you!?”
Finally, an answer formed itself in Gus’s mind. “You uh...you asked for Coke.”
“Of course I asked for coke!” Spittle flecked the bottles. “When Big Harry asks for coke, he gets coke! Do I make myself clear?”
“No,” Gus insisted. “You asked for ‘Coke.’ With a capital ‘C.’ I’ve still got the note.”
Vince stepped over.
“It’s, uhhh, that pocket.” Gus nodded to his left, trying not to breathe as cigar-breath Vince stooped to retrieve the note.
“He’s right, Boss.” Vince smoothed the paper out on the table. “‘Coke’ with a capital ‘C.’ That’s a registered trademark of the Coca-Cola Company.”
Big Harry calmed down, but only a little. “Yeah? Well since when does Coke come in kilograms? Huh? Answer me that.”
“Well...one litre weighs a kilogram, right?” answered Gus. “I gave you two two-litre bottles. That’s four kilograms.”
“That’s true, Boss.” Elbows McCain put in. “I mean, technically it’s only true of distilled water at room temperature, but for our purposes it’s close enough.”
Everyone stared at him.
“What?” He stared back. “I knows my science.”
“Alright.” Big Harry pushed the suitcase to one side, appraising its contents. “Let me get this straight. I, a crime lord, passed you a note asking for Coke, and you just immediately assumed I was talking about a soft drink?”
“Yes.”
“Even though I asked for it in kilograms?”
“Yes.”
“And not once did you think I might have actually wanted cocaine?”
“I...uhhh...” Gus felt like he had about four kilograms of sweat clinging to his forehead.
Big Harry laughed. “That’s hilarious!” Reaching out with his switchblade, he cut the duct tape holding Gus to the chair and peeled it away, leaving quite a bit of arm hair still clinging to it. “Didn’t I tell you I had a sense of humour?”
Gus stood, nervously. “I...uhh...it is pretty funny.”
Big Harry spread his big arms wide. “I guess I just been in the business so long, I forgot it meant anything else!” He unscrewed a bottle and lifted it. “To your continuing good health.”
“Righto.” On shaky legs, Gus made his way to the door. He was just reaching for the handle when Big Harry spoke again.
“Wait a minute...”
Gus turned, and their eyes met.
“...this is Pepsi.”
Literature
Intestinal Incubation, Part 2
Summary: Vanessa agrees to incubate several large eggs in her stomach as part of a program she partakes in. Things quickly get complicated during a camp out with a friend. Contains: belly expansion, oviposition, alien pregnancy, breast expansion, butt expansion, lactation. Chapter 2: Hard to Swallow “Doctor Michah? I would like to accept your offer for your research. Denise looked up from her desk at Vanessa and smiled. “Oh, that’s wonderful to hear! Here, I’ll just need you to sign one final form then.” She motioned for Vanessa to sit in front of her desk. The walls were painted a light sky blue, a much needed break from all the constant sterile white walls and tiles. The floor was a dark brown hardwood flooring, and Denise sat in front of an elegant L-shaped desk. Well, she was sitting in front of it as best as she could. Her massive yoga ball sized pregnant stomach pushed out while she leaned back in her large office chair, offering her some support and rest for her surely weary
Literature
Der Zauberer
Es war einmal ein Zauberer, der lebte allein und zurückgezogen in einem finsteren Schloss inmitten eines dunklen Waldes. Der Zauberer hatte alles, was er begehrte, war reich und schön und verfügte über einen kristallklaren Verstand. Er brauchte nur mit seinen Fingern zu schnipsen und jene Worte singen: "Zauberworte, Zauberworte, Erfüllt mir hier an jenem Orte, Meinen Wunsch, den ich begehre, Sodass er wirklich werde!" Dabei musste er fest daran denken, was er wollte und schon war es in seinem Besitz. Vieles hatte er bereits herbeigezaubert: Die ewige Jugend, das Schloss mit seinen spitzen Türmen, den großen verschlungenen Blumengarten dahinter, oder aber nur ein festliches Essen auf silbernen Tellern. Jedoch hatte er immer das Gefühl, dass noch etwas fehlte. Diese Erkenntnis zerfraß ihn innerlich, denn egal was er tat, egal was er herbeizauberte, dieses seltsame Gefühl blieb und begann sich mit jedem neuen Tag immer und immer mehr zu materialisieren. Bis ihn seine Verzweiflung fast
Literature
Dragon Love - Female Dragon tf tg (request)
Life is sometimes just not a fun-time. Sometimes lie just screws you up and you're forced to fall into a crowd of people who act the same, despite different faces and bodies or genders, we're all cogs in this world that slowly keep it running for the people above, who those people were we will probably never meet, see or even hear off, but we know they are there. Are the thoughts of a young man as he sat on a park bench, contemplating life. He had friends, a nice flat and a good job, but just that wasn't enough, sometimes a man just wants a big reason to exist that isn't just to earn money or keep up your social status. The man just wished he could just be something more interesting or meet that special someone, someone that wouldn't drop him the moment at the drop of a hat because someone better comes, but this is the real world, not the fantasy world and it wasn't like a dragon would come and do.... something to his life, good or bad. Just as he laughed quietly to himself about
Suggested Collections
Featured in Groups
FFM Day 4.
I have to admit, I was saving this one for a special occasion. It came together really quickly, which was fantastic as I've had a long day at the animal shelter--lots of very bouncy dogs--and didn't feel up to putting together anything more difficult. Also, things that are easy to write often turn out pretty well.
You can find the rest of today's flash fiction here: [link] .
And all my stories from last year are collected here: [link] .
I have to admit, I was saving this one for a special occasion. It came together really quickly, which was fantastic as I've had a long day at the animal shelter--lots of very bouncy dogs--and didn't feel up to putting together anything more difficult. Also, things that are easy to write often turn out pretty well.
You can find the rest of today's flash fiction here: [link] .
And all my stories from last year are collected here: [link] .
© 2013 - 2024 DamonWakes
Comments13
Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In
this is brilliant. i love it - and i'm glad you decided to put it out!