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July 1, 2012
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We remember when you dug us from the riverbank, but we forgive you. The water was cold and the people had need of us.

We remember when you divided and shaped us, but we forgive you. We were without form and the people had need of us.

We remember when you put us in flames, but we forgive you. We were soft and the people had need of us.

We recall the day when you sent us against swords. This we forgive. The people had need of us: we would not desert them when foes were near.

We remember when you broke us with hammers. Even this we forgive. The battle was won, and the people had no more need of us.

But though shattered, we remained on the hillside, for no people came to sweep the shards away. This too we forgive, for our eyes remained littering the ground and it allowed us to see.

We saw you crowned and we rejoiced though our own heads were shattered. We saw rings on your fingers and we applauded though our own hands were lost. We saw robes on your shoulders and we were glad, though our own backs were broken. We saw your image raised in the square and we were happy, for though we were given no such thanks, yours was sculpted from clay and in that we saw our likeness. These things we saw and these things pleased us, scattered though we were.

But fired eyes do not close if they are not swept away, and we saw too things which did not please us. We saw that crown shine upon your brow while the faces of the people became lined with care. We saw the fat bulge beneath those rings while the fingers of the people became calloused and bony. We saw the splendour of that robe grow while the clothes of the people wore to threads. We saw your image in the square and knew that the tyrant had claimed the city, though the bones of him and all his men rested amongst us on the hillside. These things we saw and these things we do not forgive.

We know that a foe is near and so, though shattered, we stand. We are cold once more, but the people need us. We are without form once more, but the people need us. We are broken now, but the people need us. Claymind and kilnheart, we stand once more, marching on the city we would protect.
We will dig you from your palace.
We will divide you from your wealth.
We will bring the flames of the people's anger.
We will send you to the swords of the river's flow.
We will break you to pieces.

And the people will not know to thank us, for we will sweep away the shards.
Well, it's been July 2nd for a little more than an hour and a half. Here's my flash fiction for the day.

Daily Literature Deviation: July 14th, 2012.

And a Daily Deviation on February 20th, 2013! Enormous thanks to ~joe-wright for suggesting this, and to ^Beccalicious for featuring it. If anybody is interested in reading more of these Flash Fiction Month pieces, I've collected them into a free ebook: [link] . And if anyone fancies having a go at Flash Fiction Month themselves, ~Flash-Fic-Month is well worth a look. :-)
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Daily Deviation

Given 2013-02-20
Golem by *DamonWakes ( Suggested by joe-wright and Featured by Beccalicious )
This is a beautiful tale of heroism, forgiveness, betrayal and maybe even a little bit of loss. This feels like a fully fleshed out story with a whole world of characters and places, but at the same time, nothing is missing, and the reader is left satisfied at the conclusion.

While the story of the golem is an old folktale that many have at least heard mentioned, you kept it very original, and gave your own flair. The work evokes strong responses, and the reader wants to hate the tyrant for abusing his (or her) power over the people in such a horrible way.

All in all, a very well rounded work.
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
6 out of 6 deviants thought this was fair.

This is simply marvellous. You've captured the implacable nature of the golem that is so frightening, while still imbuing it with the kind of patient forgiveness that can only come from something crafted from earth.

The voice of the golem is utterly believable - not overly dramatic, but not sugar-coating anything it sees. And the image of the broken clay scattering on the ground still watching what goes on is chilling.

The repetitive nature of your lines lends this piece an air of oral storytelling - solemn, almost ritualistic. It evokes the image of the shattered pieces whispering to each other.

The idea that the clay, once shaped and fired, cannot simply be broken and lose what once gave it purpose is something I've never come across before. Usually the golem, once its form is destroyed or animating words removed, becomes inert once more.

You've created something quite remarkable here. I'm looking forward to seeing more from you.

What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
9 out of 9 deviants thought this was fair.

The Artist has requested Critique on this Artwork

Please sign up or login to post a critique.

Williewaffles Featured By Owner Nov 20, 2014
Im not entirely sure what this is, but I love it.
DamonWakes Featured By Owner Dec 7, 2014   Writer
Thanks! :-) Glad to hear it.

To be honest, I'm not entirely sure what it is myself.
Ravenwood-Armories Featured By Owner Jun 27, 2014
Awe inspiring. kudos!
DamonWakes Featured By Owner Jun 28, 2014   Writer
Thank you. :-) Even two years after writing it (to within a week, oddly enough), this one's really stuck with me.
Akaigee Featured By Owner Apr 15, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
I just happened to find this piece and I love it! You capture the nature of golems in a unique perspective that's very fitting. Now to traverse your gallery for more gems like this :)
DamonWakes Featured By Owner Apr 16, 2014   Writer
Wow, thank you! I find that writing in first person plural is one of those tricks that's generally not a good idea, except for the handful of stories that wouldn't really work with anything else.

If you're looking for similar things, you might like to try Hundeminen, which is another one with an unusual narrator. The Flash Fiction Month folders (and ebooks) also have a few stories like this, but since the vast majority of what I write for those events is humour, they might be hard to find.

In any case, thanks for reading. :-) I'm glad you enjoyed my work.
Precipitous120 Featured By Owner Mar 16, 2014
Here a link, can you resist the urge to click it...…

I guess not

Here is what i think of your poem

Great... I got a bit pissed off about the whole thing, right up until the very last bit, revenge on the king... with out that, you would just be wasting out time...

DamonWakes Featured By Owner Mar 18, 2014   Writer
Hey, I see you're a new member--welcome!

I have to admit, I very nearly flagged your comment as spam. There are a lot of bots around here that just post "Click this link nao!!!11!" type comments and, at a glance, this looked a lot like one of them. Beyond that, I feel like it's bad etiquette to link to one's own work in response to another author's piece--at least, not unless it helps you illustrate a specific point. If you simply want to draw readers to your work, you might consider linking to it in your signature: that way it's unobtrusive, and it'll be appended to every comment/reply you make.

With regard to your comment on the story itself, I think you have a point. I guess this kind of repetition isn't to everyone's tastes. Combined with the need to read all the way through to get the benefit of the shift at the end, I can see how that might piss people off. Thanks for reading!
Precipitous120 Featured By Owner Mar 18, 2014
I liked your post also because of the fact that I had just read a book with Gools in them... what are they called again... clay servants... well forget the name.

Your story line made me feel, who is the Name... how do they feel... it was an really interesting perspective... one that we often over look...

Well... did you get a chance to look at my poems? you can't tell me about your's and have me not show you mine
...Not a penis comment
DamonWakes Featured By Owner Mar 18, 2014   Writer
To be perfectly honest, I'm not inclined to read work that's shoved at me out of the blue. I never offered to exchange comments, and the fact that I've posted my own work online is not an invitation for you to demand a critique from me. I'm delighted you've left your thoughts on this piece, but I don't owe you anything because of it. Beyond that, I'd struggle to offer feedback on your work because I don't write poetry myself. Granted, this particular story seems to have come close--and you're not the first person to see it as a poem--but that was quite a surprise to me. Both the category and description should make it pretty clear I approached it as flash fiction.

That said, I've skimmed over some of what you've written, and I can offer some general advice: work on the basics. Make sure you know how to use capital letters, full stops, commas, apostrophes. Make sure you know the difference between "your" and "you're." Don't use ellipses all... the... time... Some people may be avoiding commenting because they feel like you're giving them a proofreading test. And please, please, please stop begging for comments. It's bad enough you left that as a comment on someone else's work--begging for attention while totally ignoring what they'd written--but it's even worse that in response to their reply you say "I'm beginning to think I suck like all the rest of you artists." Forget the poetry: fix your attitude.
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